Who Wins the Battle Royale of the Breakfast Cereal Characters?

Wanting to know who is the strongest of the breakfast kingdom is not unusual, luckily I have the answer for you. However, this is a two part answer. If you were to stop me on the street and ask me this question, I would tell you that in 1989 the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had their own breakfast cereal. If you’re unfamiliar with the Ninja Turtles, let me summarize… The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are four mutant turtles trained in the martial arts that are able to save the day on a regular basis. Not only that, but they were able to do it before the end of their 30 minute cartoon show. Clearly the disguise wearing Trix Rabbit, or Lucky the Leprechaun who is constantly running from mere children do not stand a chance against the heroes in a half shell… Turtle Power!





However, there is a second part to my answer. Some of you might not think it’s fair that I’m using cereal mascots from the late 80s to win my battles. After all, let’s be honest the cereal wasn’t that great, and you’d have a hard time finding a box of it today. So if you’re looking for a champion of today’s balanced breakfast, I’d have to say Tony the Tiger. This answer might not surprise you since tigers have always been fierce predators, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Also Tony is more than just a tiger. He keeps in very good physical shape, playing sports like baseball and soccer. But if you put aside his great physical shape and his tiger strength, there is still one important factor that makes him the winner. Tony the Tiger wears a bandanna. As we all know, wearing a bandanna means you are part of a gang. I don’t know about you, but I’m not prepared to mess with Tony or his gang. Even if you had Snap and Crackle to back you up, Tony and his homies don’t just kill you, they kill your family.

So in conclusion, unless you’re rolling with your ninja-loving turtle brothers, you better step aside when you see Tony coming through.

Great question, Keep em' coming...

Which Came First, the Chicken or the Egg?

This question has been going around forever. In fact the question should really be "Which came first; the chicken, the egg, or the question itself?" In theory there are two different sides to this story. Either the chicken had to come first to lay the first egg, or the egg had to come first to hatch the first chicken. Now you can pick one of those two sides and continue arguing endlessly, but not me. The answer is simple, however, you have to look past the chicken… allow me to explain.

Simply put, we all know dinosaurs laid eggs; dinosaurs came before chickens, so by default the egg came first.

Many of you who believe the egg came first will probably stop reading, and start rubbing it in the faces of your chicken-loving opponents. But I am not done just yet. Although I believe the egg came first, there is one exception; was there some kind of prehistoric chicken dinosaur that could have been laying eggs all this time? Anyone who has seen Jurassic Park knows 2 things; a vibrating glass of water means a T-Rex attack is coming, and that dinosaurs are descended from birds. Although it probably would not be the scariest of dinosaurs, I could imagine a prehistoric chicken-a-saurus rex walking around laying eggs. After all, cavemen had to scramble something for breakfast.

So to answer the question, the egg probably came first. However, the real question is whether it hatched a chicken or a chicken-a-saurus rex.

A New Kind of Party

Earlier my neighbor was talking about a party, but he misspoke. Instead of saying it was BYOB, he said BLB. He corrected himself, but it got me thinking... What if he really meant BLB? I wonder what BLB would stand for. "Bring Lots of Beer", or maybe it means "Bring Laser Beams". If that's the case I think I'll pass. I've been shot with enough lasers to know it hurts no matter how drunk you are.

Life Choices at 3am

While walking towards the restroom at work during the night-shift, I could hear someone inside. Since it was 3am, I assumed it was my co-worker, and I planned to jump out and scare him. However, I had a second thought... What if it actually isn't my co-worker? Am I willing to take that risk? After all, If I'm wrong and scare a stranger, I'll have to avoid eye contact with him for the rest of my life.

So many questions, so little time.

In the end my conscience won, and I didn't go through with it... But hear this, before I die I will scare someone in a public restroom!

Identifying the NIFO

If you call an unidentified flying object a UFO, you've actually just Identified it. However, if you do see a UFO you should tell someone, but then quickly tell them that it's now a NIFO (Newly-Identified-Flying-Object).

A Lesson in Dog Owning

Sometimes my dog pees on the carpet right before I'm about to take her outside to pee. You'd think that would make me mad, but it doesn't. Instead, I just make her sit by the window while I go outside by myself. Then she has to sit there and watch how much fun I'm having peeing & pooping all over the grass. Maybe next time she'll hold it like a good dog, and we can have fun peeing outside together.