Who Affects People’s Lives More, Clowns or Mimes?

Today’s question addresses whether it is clowns or mimes who are the more important part of our society. From an entertainment point of view, clowns are clearly the victor. Honestly, who would admit that they enjoy watching mimes over clowns? Unfortunately this question is not all about fun and games. We can’t make this decision based solely on what’s fun. Instead we have to look at what’s better for our lives. What can these two groups of entertainers teach us? Clowns can teach us how to cram a lot of people into a car. However, we don’t need clowns for that. Any twelve Mexicans with a pickup truck can teach us that trick. But mimes, on the other hand, teach us survival skills. What if you ended up trapped in an invisible, soundproof box? After watching a mime, you would know the best course of action would be to start feeling around for an invisible door handle. After hearing this many people would think the survival skills taught by mimes make them the more valuable performers. Personally I’m not convinced. If I may go back to my first point, clowns are the better entertainers, and as we all know, laughter is the best gift of all.

Now you have to ask yourself, what’s more important, survival or laughter? If it was me, I’d rather have the time of my life stuck in a box than a lifetime of silence.

I say enjoy life, stick with the clowns.

Good Advice Gone Bad

"Stopping to smell the roses," is usually good advice. Unless you're telling it to the guy pulling my rickshaw downhill... Then it quickly becomes dangerous advice.

The Secret's Out

Sometimes I think I’m a secret agent, and I just haven’t been let in on the secret. I guess I don’t blame them... cause I do love to gossip.

Have Your Cake & Eat it Too

If someone really smart is talking to you, and you don't know what to say, don't panic. When it's your turn to talk just say "I like Cake." Whoever you're talking to will think you're talking about the food and assume you're a moron. That's when you inform him you were actually talking about the 90s rock band, with such hits as "The Distance" & "Never There". Now he not only thinks you're intelligent and cultured, but he looks like an idiot for thinking you were talking about mere food. I mean seriously, what idiot would talk about baked goods when you're trying to have a serious conversation about 90s alternative rock... seriously.

Mating Terminology

If an older lady is hitting on you she's referred to as a "Cougar". So in theory if a really old lady is hitting on you she should be known as a "Saber-Toothed Tiger". After all, saber-toothed tigers are older than cougars. Plus it sounds a lot cooler to say "I bagged a Saber-Toothed Tiger," than "I had sex with your Grandma... Twice!"

Now Hiring

The other day I ate at Burger King, and on my receipt it said “Join our team, all positions available.” So I applied for “Burger King”… I still haven’t heard back from them.

Fate of a Superpower

If you ever acquire superpowers you will have to choose whether to use them for good or evil. Sometimes that choice is made for you. For example, if you end up having three heads you’re going to become a villain. That's just the way it is. Truth is you’re probably going to end up an evil henchman at best.

What's Another Word for Synonym?

Well as most people know, this question doesn't have a real answer. Truth is, if you look up “synonym” in a dictionary, it will say something along the lines of “A word having the same meaning as another word in the language”. However, if you look up synonym in a thesaurus, you will find that the actual word synonym has no synonyms for it. It’s a little ironic I know, but I’m just answering a question, not defending the legitimacy of the entire English language... If you do want to debate the legitimacy of our language, try Webster, I hear he knows a lot about words.

Wouldn't That be Neat?

I think it would be neat if cats could evaporate. Because if they could evaporate into the sky, than they would eventually come back down when it rains. Then one day cats would be falling from the sky, and I could walk up to a stranger and say "Looks like it's just raining cats today." That would be neat.

Some people may wonder if evaporating dogs would be just as neat. But dogs don't always land on their feet, and the thought of dogs falling from the sky to their death is a pretty sick thought.

A Lil' Monkey Business

When I see a parent with their child on a leash, I think about how out of control that child must be. But the other day I saw a kid on a leash with a giant monkey harness... On that day I thought "Wow, that spaz must really like monkeys."